SD wrote:
Hey man, it's alright to vent, but keep the language at PG-13. It's kind of an unwritten rule around here.

If you do feel the need to use such language the word "Shenanigans" seems to carry the same expletive power.

I hate kids. They mean I can't swear about stuff.

They're loud and smell bad too

Heh, you don't know the meaning of the phrase "loud children" until you have lived with my niece. Running around the house and screaming, especially when I'm trying to sleep, is her hobby. But of course, when my Dad is sleeping, oh no, she can't make a peep of course not! Or when she is sleeping, I can't even talk to someone without whispering because "Haily is napping!"

Bullsh*t.

When I have my alarm set for 10:30 and I get woken up by her at 9:45, I get really p*ssed. But I can say and do NOTHING about it! Believe me, I've tried. I tried to say something to my mom about it. What does she do? Does she tell her to stop screaming because her aunt is asleep? NOPE. She hands me a pair of freakin' earplugs.

I'm getting really sick of hypocrites running around acting like they're better than me when in fact they're lowly and pathetic.

I'm no perfect being, but at least I don't walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment and call other people out.

Everyone is a little hypocritical sometimes.

What's pissing me off is someone who says he cares about me my broke my heart and keeps playing with the pieces.

I hate it when I try and think of stuff to help my friends out, especially when it comes to people playing with their emotions, and all I can think of is "Kick him in the crotch!!"

I really need to think about how to help out better than applied force to a sensitive part of the anatomy, but know I'm here if you need someone to talk to, Pan. Most of my friends use me as a sounding board as I don't judge them, I listen and offer my opinion, and leave it to them if they accept the help or not.

Teasealot wrote:I hate it when I try and think of stuff to help my friends out, especially when it comes to people playing with their emotions, and all I can think of is "Kick him in the crotch!!"

I really need to think about how to help out better than applied force to a sensitive part of the anatomy, but know I'm here if you need someone to talk to, Pan. Most of my friends use me as a sounding board as I don't judge them, I listen and offer my opinion, and leave it to them if they accept the help or not.

Remember...punch to the throat....

Physical violence isn't going to solve anything.

I was with this guy, Joel, for more than two years. I loved him. I still love him and I shouldn't, but I do. I loved him more than life itself and he loved me. We lived together, and we took eachother's virginity. There was talk of marriage, between he and I, his mom and I, and my parents. He was the one to actually bring up marriage, not me. For more than two years, there was nothing that I did that didn't involve him. My grandparents would send him Christmas gifts, my aunt sent him birthday cards. He became part of my family as well as my heart. I wanted to be with him. I still want to be with him. The thought of marrying him was something I was not afraid of, and wanted badly.

We got in a car accident last August. He had just started going back to school, and was getting 30+ hours at work. We had been scouting apartments. Because of that accident, we lost everything. He couldn't drive his car anymore, it was smashed back to the windshield. He couldn't work any more than 4 hours a week now, because he had been a delivery driver. He had to stop going to school, because he couldn't get there anymore, and he owed my grandmother $475 (she paid for the towing fees...if that proves any further how close we were). His father insisted that he keep the trashed car to fix it. A job that would tack on another $500+ to his debts. He couldn't go anywhere without a ride, and sometimes he couldn't go some places even if he did have a ride because it required money. He was trapped in the house.

Around this time, my own job stopped giving me hours. I was trapped in the house too.

Then my mother got addicted to percoset and valium because she had back surgery. Now all three of us were stuck in the house, and she was crazy. (She was hallucinating and would scream at me in front of Joel's friends and not even remember she'd done that.)

Joel's only outlet became the internet. All day he was on the computer. He and I had told eachother we were furries before the accident, and he was overjoyed that I shared that interest. Now, after the accident, the more involved in the furry community he got, the more people he met on furry sites (only one of which was a boy by the way) the less he paid attention to me. I really, really didn't like him talking to some of those people, because they were way too damn invasive for my comfort. No matter how much he told me they weren't putting our relationship in jeopardy, the more my gut told me that something bad was going to come of them. They sent him links to porn, which he didn't see a problem with and never told them to stop, even though they knew about me. He never favorited any of my work, but he had his friend's work (some of which was pornographic) all over his page. He started hiding things from me. One of the things he hid was a site called "pounced.org." I REALLY was not comfortable with this one because it was a site where you posted personal adds. You could post adds for "just friends" but I was becoming more and more aware that there are a LOT of people in the furry community that just don't give a sh*t if you're taken or not. Plus, who the hell WOULD be comfortable with their boyfriend posting a personal add? I told him I really didn't like it, and he said he wouldn't go there, but I caught him trying to minimize the page on the site one day.

The more he got into the furryism and the porn, the less he wanted to have sex with me. He eventually just told me "Sex isn't something I need anymore." Which really f*cking HURT. We ended up splitting, but he said "I don't know what's going to happen" because he knew I didn't want him to leave. We were just "separated."

Then he meets these new fur friends from online in person. Friends that he can't possibly have known for more than two months. They want him to frikkin' move in with them. Once again, I'm getting a really nasty gut feeling that nothing good will come from these people. I really don't like the idea of him being around them. At all. And the more often he saw them, the more he started acting like he was too good to talk to me when he was around them. I really needed his help and support, and I would cry in a dark corner or in my closet, begging him to call me, but if he was with them, it was "I'm busy." or "I don't want to talk about this."

Though, when he DOES talk to me, he tells me that just because we can't be together now, you never know about the future. He promised he wouldn't write off getting back together. He told me that the chances of being together again are better if I learn to be happy about something besides him. I want to do that, so I agree to start going to therapy. He and I were talking every day. I go to see him one night, and he gives me those same comments. "Don't know about the future, I want you to be happy, etc. etc." (I should also note that throughout this time, he reassured me numerous times that I had nothing to worry about and that his fur friends were just friends. Only friends.) I ask him, straight out, if he was interested in anyone else, and he says "Sometimes I think I am, but not really no."

I come home and find out that mutherf*cker had been hiding a girlfriend from me for several weeks...and it was one of those "just friends" that he'd met online. I was so pissed. It was 6 in the morning, but I didn't give a crap. I called him and yelled his ear out. After everything he stacked up, all the things he told me to reassure me that he wasn't going to be with anyone else, all the promises he made me and things he said about getting back together, he goes and does that. And what made me even more angry is the girl KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.

So now he acts like a dog that just got caught peeing on the carpet. I tell him to get his sh*t together and and don't talk to me until he does. He tries to tell me he cares about me, but I don't believe him. Why would I?

We don't talk for a while and then he crops up to see how I'm doing. I've cooled down, so I talk to him. Things seem like they're getting better between us. Alright, good. One of the conversations we have leads to him telling me that he wishes he could be with me just so much sometimes, but he feels it wouldn't work because of what he did to me. I tell him I still love him with all my heart, and he says "I still love you too."

Today, he tells me that's not what he meant by "I still love you too" and he didn't want me to take it that way and blah blah blah, there's probably no chance for us in the future, but you never know, but don't get your hopes up.

There's so goddamn much that's going through my head right now I want to break things. Not just little things like bottles or whatever, I want to smash holes in my walls. I want to tear down doors. I want to break windows. This is how hurt and angry I am. I've done nothing but love him unconditionally for two and a half years and ...I can't even think of a word for it right now. It makes me so goddamn mad. I'm mad that he lied. I'm mad that he didn't listen to me when I told him I didn't like the people he was associating with. I'm mad that he got with someone else when he said he wouldn't. I'm mad that she even exists. I know he was messed up in the head when he made that choice (considering he told me that he didn't even know why he was with her, and that he didn't know if he was even attracted to her when I called him and yelled at him) but she knew goddamn well what she was doing. I'm mad that both of them tried to tell me that they cared about how I felt. Especially her, because she obviously does not care about how I feel, she only cares about herself and the fact that she gets what she wants at the expense of someone else's feelings. I'm mad that he knew what he was doing was hurting me but he kept f*cking doing it anyway.

Gods, I hate people like that.


He does NOT deserve you. Pan, you are one of the coolest, smartest, most awesome women I've met online. YOU deserve someone who genuinely cares for you, not some douchebag who treats you like a crutch.

Pan, you can ignore my advice or accept it, that's your choice, I won't push you into either decision.

Firstly, gather up all the pictures of him and put them in a box, remove anything that reminds you of him and put it away.
It'll give your mind something to focus on.

Secondly, This bit will hurt. Call him and tell him that it is over. That you have outgrown him and you are moving on with your life. You no longer need him, and discarding him like the parasite he is. That you are taking your life back, and that he has no say in the matter.

Thirdly, Cry. Just let it happen, cry until you feel better. You need the release.

That is my advice, take it or leave it. Just know I'll be here, for you. My friend.

You know what Pan, guys like that piss me off so much. Cause they pull stunts like that and it leaves a bad impression on all men for some stupid reason.

Guys like that deserve they're balls to be cut off and thrown into a ditch. Because then the genuine men have it that much harder because of that damned standard that plagues us.

Leave him. I know it'll be hard (how hard I don't know) but leave him. Take anything that reminds you of him, put it in trash can and burn it all.

I hope you get into a better place soon. No one deserves to be cheated on like that.

Wow, Pan, that's heavy. It really sucks that someone you share such a long history with someone that turned into a jerk who takes you for granted. You seem like a really cool person and don't deserve to have anyone treat you the way that he has.

I agree with Teasealot... the best thing you can do at this point is to distance yourself from him, because no matter what you do, he's going to make you unhappy as long as you still care about him.

Unfortunately, that's going to be for a long time. Emotions are sometimes obnoxious because you can't control them, but you can kinda out-think them sometimes. No one who cared about you would do that kind of thing to you, therefore he doesn't, therefore he's not worth your time. Easier said than done, but at least your mind can get over him, if not your heart.

I know it's silly to try to quantify emotions, but in my experience, it'll take half as long as you've loved him to really get over him. Yeah, it's gonna suck, but ultimately you'll end up as a more "you" you.

I'm trying to distance myself now...he kept bringing up being friends yesterday. I can't just be friends because I do still love him very much, even though I know I really shouldn't. It's hard to just cut someone like that out of me. I said I can't be friends, but I don't want him to just disappear out of my life. He said he doesn't want to go either, but right now, talking to each other is just going to make me more unhappy.

It's going to be a long, long time before we can even talk again.

Explain to me how I do a job "half way" when I had someone standing over me and telling me that the job was done? Please do because I really don't understand that one.

I hate the music industry rapeing creative music and the artists that just sit back and watch it happen

It's the almighty dollar/pound/general unit of currency at work
I think it's a shame that the barter system went out of use, for one thing it meant everyone had to have a skill to get by.

Any way, since this is a vent, I'd like to vent about Cellphones and the selfish, rude c***suckers that use them.
To the best of my knowledge, Cellphones where invented to provide private communication if you didn't want to or where nowhere near a public phone. Skip forward a couple of decades and you have the things so INVASIVE that your in the minority if you don't have one. I travel by public transport, due to my inability to keep my drivers liscence due to my diabites, and I'm appaled by the number of people who sit on the bus either having loud conversations over thier phone about frankly VERY personal subjects to those who play music so loud that you can here it though thier headphones!
And thats not the worst of it. Before attempting a change of career, I worked for a fairly well known clothing superstore, and if someone came up and tryied to get service while droning away on thier phone they would be asked to hang up or step aside (shops policy), these days nothing seems to be thought of someone doing the same, has the human race become so @!@!ing rude to itself ?.
Anyway I can feel my blood pressure rising again, so I'll stop there. Though if you want a good read at those people who can't seem to breath without a cellphone glued to thier ear, I'd heartly recommend reading Cell by Stephen King, it's one of his better books.