A man is walking across a desert when he stumbles across an old battered lamp. He picks the lamp up, and rubs it. Immediately a genie appears, and says "Okay, you can have a wish. Due to recent cutbacks, and despite popular myth, you don't get three wishes, we don't have enough money to grant that. So choose carefully---what do you want?"
The man thinks for a while, before answering, "I want a road network that would lead from anywhere in the world to Hawaii. All I would need to do is hop on a car and I could drive straight to paradise."
The genie is incredulous, saying "Do you realise how much money that would take, how much effort for all the bridges, how much weather it would have to withstand? Pick again."
The man then thinks for a bit more, and says "In that case, I'd like to be able to understand the mind of a woman."
The genie considers this for a moment, before asking. "That road network of yours---four lanes or six?"
A first-grade teacher, Miss Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Miss Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Miss Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Principal: "Who was the first President of the United States?"
Harry: "George Washington."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looked at Miss Brooks and told her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Miss Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Miss Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment, said, "Legs."
Miss Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question.
Miss Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Miss Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Miss Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Miss Brooks: "What does a man do standing up that a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Miss Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F', ends with a 'K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the 5th grade. I got the last seven questions wrong."